"You don't love me anymore," Suzy wailed inconsolably.
"Of course I love you," Bart said, somewhat irritated.
How Do You Know If Your Pregnant
"No you don't. You never tell me how pretty I am anymore and you never even tell me that I look nice. You didn't even notice I wore a new blouse yesterday. And I bought it for you." Suzy continued to cry.
"What's the matter with you," Bart, said with increasing exasperation. "You already know I love you. Do I have to tell you everyday?"
Suzy, about to say something, sputtered to a stop. He doesn't really love me, she thought. He always seems preoccupied with other things. He doesn't even come to hug me or hold my hand like he used too. What has happened to us?
Such words are all too common among couples of all ages. The romance and courtship seemed to have ended and doubts begin to appear. Other concerns about jobs, money, politics, friends, family matters rather than with each other occupy their time together. Boredom, decreasing communication, less lovemaking, and a growing separateness have become commonplace.
Several scenarios are possible. One, and the most ominous, is that the couple is falling out of love, or the relationship has become tenuous as the couple has drifted apart. Another possible scenario is the relationship has changed as the partners settled into a less romantic interaction and what Suzy desire for continuing romance was no longer on the table.
So how to you know if your lover loves you? You need to carefully examine how the relationship has unfolded. Where has the romance gone? Has one or both of you become negligent and slowly "forgot" to say "I love you." Have you stopped doing the romantic things that make someone feel loved? Or has your lover stopped loving you?"
Here is the test:
1. Once you recognize that the changes noted above have occurred has either of you suggested sitting down and examining what has changed your relationship. In other words, are you open to communication or does one of you prefer to ignore the problem? Not a good sign if this is true.
2. Do you find that attempts to reach out or touch your partner are thwarted or not reciprocated or worse, does your lover move away when you reach out?
3. Do you find that you are reluctant to suggest romantic interludes, such as a night out or a special romantic dinner or a romantic walk or a romantic anything?
4. Are your conversations becoming narrow, limited in scope? In other words has boredom set in and you find you're not listening to each other.
5. Does the limitation in connecting seem one-sided? Is the lack of interest denied and makes you feel, as Suzy felt in our little story, that she was neglected and ignored.
What to do:
1. The most essential thing is simple. Any reluctance or anger needs to be dealt with first. Unless that can be overcome real communication is difficult. Under such circumstances, a brief period of couple therapy might be helpful to get you back on track.
2. Above all, don't ignore it. That could lead to increasing doubts and eventually a dysfunctional relationship might result. If you remain together you may find you are adapting to an impoverished relationship.
3. Don't accept that. If you catch these changes early, couples can almost always overcome their difficulties and resume their romance. Romance should be lifelong. And communication is the connecting artery and life-blood to make it so.
By facing relationship problems early and maintaining a positive attitude to improve your relationship most couples can overcome such difficulties and help set the stage for increased intimacy and happiness.
By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. August 17, 2011
How Are You Aware In Case Your Lover Really Loves You
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